Old & In the Way was a short-lived bluegrass group in the 1970s. While it included world-class bluegrass musicians, they likely became famous because Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead was their banjo player. Their one album released in 1975 became one of the best-selling albums of all time in its genre. I have the album and like the music, but the name is what always stuck with me. It seems more relevant to my life every year.
We’re not quite empty nesters, but Nipa and I are now parents to one actual adult, one quasi-adult, and one very precocious teenager. It is an interesting time and one of transition. We spent over twenty years catering to the kids and making sure all their needs were met. But they are increasingly doing things on their own, which is fun and rewarding to see. However, their dependence on us is rapidly waning, and I feel less relevant by the day.
Our son Omar is out of college and living in Boulder, Colorado. He moved out there with no job, networked like crazy, and landed a less-than-mediocre gig at a startup in quantum computing. However, through diligence, skill, and emotional intelligence, he has turned that job into the start of a promising career. He now makes a very enviable salary, has stock options in the firm, and is trusted with tasks far beyond what I would have been capable of at his age.
Omar recently was in Boston for a quantum conference, and we went out to spend the weekend with him. For part of the conference, he was the only one manning his company’s booth, providing information to other attendees, potential customers, and investors about the firm and its offerings. Smith Barney didn’t allow me to do that at 23. But it was the time we spent with him after the conference that was most impressive to me. He had a couple of networking meetings he set up with connections in Boston, and he was very comfortable navigating a new city on his own. He didn’t learn that in our little town of Honeoye Falls. It is easy to see that he has fully launched and become smarter and more capable than me. Fortunately, I don’t think he reads these newsletters, so he won’t rub it in too bad.
Our middle son Amer is not far behind. He’s still in college, but he and his friend Geoffrey decided they’d drive up to the Montreal Formula One races after school let out in late May. They bought tickets, secured an Airbnb, and worked out all the trip logistics. My daughter Nyla and I met them up there for the races, but Amer and Geoffrey did all the planning. They had activities for us when the races weren’t going on, researched and booked restaurants, and figured out the best public transportation to the races. Usually, I get saddled with trip planning, so it was nice to just be along for the ride, but it was also a reminder that one of my primary dad roles was no longer necessary. Amer is off to a summer business program this month where I’m sure he’ll make great contacts and learn even more. For now, I know more about financial statements, accounting, economics, and tax, but even that edge may be in jeopardy before too long.
Nyla is still at home, but at 16 the only thing holding her back is that she doesn’t yet have her driver’s license. She recently got her first job without being pushed. In fact, Nipa and I feel like she is already too busy, so we discouraged her from taking a summer job. She also does quite a lot of volunteer work, organizing our family’s charity run (you may see her on TV later this month) and doing social media work for a couple of organizations. She doesn’t rely on us for her college search, which started early. She researches the schools, books the tours, and sometimes finds friends of friends to talk with about private tours and insider information. Nipa still drives her to dance classes and other activities, but Nyla is already a force to be reckoned with, and she still has two more years of high school. She can be seen regularly rolling her eyes at her mother’s and my ineptitude on a variety of subjects.
I guess there are still a few practical issues that Nipa and I can be helpful with. I got a call the other day about car insurance, but the kids don’t really need us much anymore for their day-to-day lives. All of them call Nipa quite regularly, so I think she has a lot to offer in terms of maternal support and encouragement. I’m not sure I have that same trait, but I do have one item I can offer: the kids are still happy to have me pay for everything.